Pop my Cork

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Bob's anger and disappointment built as he moved about the prop room cleaning and dusting the myriad items that had graced the stage over the past 30 years. A stage, it appeared, that would never be graced by his presence.

Once again his hopes had been dashed by an audition in which his scrawny undersized body was deemed too pathetic next to the lithe and buff competition. No matter that he could dance rings around them and sing like an angel – and that was another problem, his voice. No-one wanted a twenty-five year old singer who sounded like a member of the Vienna Boys Choir.

Even so, he thought he'd stood a chance at a part as an orphan in the revival of 'Oliver!' until the casting director said he looked too old. And now it looked like he would grow old in his job as prop manager for the State Theater.

A chill set over him and he turned up the small space heater that was the only barrier between him and the cold brick walls of the prop room. And when he twisted the knob he turned the space heater towards a nearby shelf where it began to heat up an old bottle until, “POP” the cork flew out of the bottle and nearly took off Bob's head. He dove to the floor and looked up to find a bedraggled genie staring at him looking like she'd been in the world's steamiest sauna.

“Just look at my hair, mortal! And I just had it done for the Caliph's 4,000th birthday party,” she screeched. “Now I have to ask that djinn to do it all over again and I do so hate his roving hands and eyes.”

“Well you did free me from the bottle so make your wish so I can repair the damage before the caliph sees me.”

Bob thought his prayers had been answered and he could hardly contain his excitement. Here was his chance to be the best 'song and dance' man in town. And that's exactly what he asked.

The genie did a double-take but a wish is a wish.

“So it is spoken, so let it be done!”

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“And now – direct from a six week engagement in Vegas, the Pussycat Lounge is proud to present Bobbi 'Big Boobs” Benton the premier topless dancer in all the world!”

The band broke into “Big Spender” as Bobbi sexily danced her way around the stage shedding her costume until she was down to the diamond encrusted thong that was her trademark. The crowd loved it and more than one tongue nearly got stepped on.

For her part Bobbi rued the day she ever made that wish as she lisp-synched the words to her signature song and when she reached the lines:

Tho, let me get right to the point,
I don't pop my cork for every guy I thee.

she popped the cork off the bottle once more and prayed as she did at every performance for the genie to re-appear.

The crowd thought her little speech impediment when she got excited was cute. Bobbi saw it as the curse that kept her dancing on the stage with her male appendage firmly hidden beneath a gaff, acknowledging the crowd's hoots and whistles for the best 'thong and dance' man in the world.

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I am sure this was written

I am sure this was written tongue in cheek.